| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2008|01:33 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Josh Groban - When You Say You Love Me | ] |
It felt good to be with Brittany tonight. There's this sense of familiarity and understanding that doesn't really go anywhere. I'm a jumble right now. The sleep is inconsistent, and I have like...bar recipes and arguments for gay marriage and song lyrics kind of circling around in my head over and over. I'm really happy to be headed home. Tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday are designated to wrapping up the semester and saying goodbye to some friends for a little. Russia in less than two weeks...
It's been a big year. |
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| Collected Wisdom |
[Mar. 21st, 2008|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
I'm lately tripping over the same obstacles, the most of which I seem to be setting up for myself. I'm 19 today, and nearly finished my first year of college--here is some wisdom that I have been collecting all year and need to start internalizing.
People are what they are for a reason; if they are needy or attention-seeking, it is because they have been without something. If they are fishing for validation, it is because they haven't been feeling confident, and if it doesn't compromise something within you, you should give it to them. Everything that we do and are is fueled by some motivation. Sometimes motivations are really dirty and selfish, but sometimes they are really human, and we need to discern this case by case, I think, before passing judgement. We need to try our best to understand people, and to find the beauty and humanity in them.
We often focus on old stories, funny or sad, and look forward to the future. This can be wonderful, but it can also be detrimental to some degree because in doing this we are never fully experiencing the present moment. So often, also, people look back and say "I didn't know it then, but those were the best times of my life..." This is depressing. If I'm happy, I want to know it, and not only through comparison of less happy times. Because the present moment is the only thing guaranteed to us in a very real sense, it is important to learn to live in it and enjoy it. This is happiness in a truer sense.
This works with dating. When I get to know somebody, I often try to urge along a product...I try to contrive a connection, and while that is understandable because I do get lonely, it is ultimately really bad and will impede the development of something more real and more meaningful. I need to lose the agenda and just experience the person and the moment for what they are, and maybe that's how I'll fall in love, eventually.
People will come and go. They need to do that, for them; you've also done that. The graceful way of handling this is accepting it and having no expectations. There is a solace to be taken from the fact that they may return, but they may not, and that's OK.
If I'm going to rehearsal and I've had a bad day, for the sake of professionalism and for the sake of the art, I need to try my best to leave my problems at the door. They will be there when I am ready to leave, and I shouldn't allow them to pollute my creativity and what otherwise might be a fun, productive, or learning experience.
I need to ensemble pieces as if they are solos, not in the sense that I'm throwing off blend sound-wise but in terms of expressiveness and engagement. You can not rely on your "effortless" musicality. If you are, you are not trying hard enough and you are not growing.
If the stretch hurts, press harder, focus on your breath and stay there--this uncomfortable, painful place is the only place where you will achieve growth; our focus is to cultivate more strength, balance, and flexibility.
Stay loose, too much effort and energy is going to slow you down.
I need to perform and speak as if I'm doing so for discerning people, for educated critics, even if I'm not--improvement comes with high stakes.
There is no "right way," it's frustrating sometimes when we try to achieve this, because it does not exist, but in many ways it opens a wide portal to further creativity and individuality in the things we do. There are guidelines and proficiencies, but personal style is what makes this worth it, in many ways. "It" can be many things..."it" can be life. Your voice is not the sounds you make or the things you you say, but how you say and sing them. Don't lose who you are! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|02:23 am] |
Why should an 8:30 AM ballet class prevent me from chilling on the computer at 2? It's cool. So I've been feeling all kinds of sentimental over these new people in my life. I really feel lucky.
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| College |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|01:57 am] |
So I'll write something, I guess.
It's been fucking eventful. I have two room-mates, one of whom I find much more agreeable than the other. I sleep in a loft bed; my desk and dresser are beneath it so I have my own little nook. The first week was incredibly hot and uncomfortable but -- knock wood -- it's been cooling off. I've made some great new friends! -- people I'm sure to have in my life for the next four years. I know who I like. I know who I severely dislike...I know how to avoid them. I love, love love love living on campus. It's beautiful here; I'm essentially surrounded by all that I could really possibly need.
My new relationships have been allowing for me to really be...well, me. I love that fresh-start feel, even though I already have so many old friends here as well. Initially I was concerned about making friends. I'm glad that's all over.
Classes are...overwhelming. Yes, I'm the first semester freshman that somehow ended up with a 20 credit course load. Great things have been happening, though.
I tested out of Fundamentals of Music, so I'm in Theory I. This expedited a performance practicum and private voice lessons, so I'm really ahead of the game in that sense and my first lesson is actually tomorrow.
I was accepted into Chamber Singers, or...Singers...which is like MSU's equivalent of Select Choir. A Select Choir from within a School of Music, though, is a really musical place to be, and so far it's made for some really stimulating sessions. We are touring to Moscow in late May. The trip costs 2,400.00, but! the university is paying for 2/3. Woot! I also met a boy through singers, but it's too soon to tell of such things I think.
I got a part! In the musical! It's Full Monty, I'm playing Teddy....he's not really a principal but he's got a frickin' name. 'Supporting. It's a role, though, and I'm a freshman, and it fills me with glee. I just said that.
I also got a minor role in the opera, "ice cream vendor"; I haven't even seen my music for that yet, but it was certainly an honor to be given a role personally by the guy who wrote it!
I miss my Mom, I miss Razz (though going home won't fix that), I can't wait to catch up (eventually) with my peeps at home. For now that's pretty much it. I hope everyone is doing well! |
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| Difference |
[May. 14th, 2007|12:08 am] |
 
Let's keep this going, shall we? |
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